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Literature Text
"Be careful, honey. Don't go too far into the woods, okay?" Mom said, leaning out from her small office to look at me.
"Yeah mom, I'll be careful, be home by supper, and make sure to stay to paths and places you know. Don't worry mom, I'll be okay. I'm ten, I can do it." I said, grabbing my slicker just in case. It was my responsibility to check my traps to see if I caught a rabbit for Emma yet. I mean, with dad busy at work I gotta man up and be in charge.
Everything looks much darker under the trees, since it just rained. This forest's not like the one by grandma and grandpa's cottage. It's darker, but it's got a sort of feel to it like it's safe, even though it's not. I can see the branches from here, looking like hands with scraps of clothing still on them reaching for me thanks to the leaves. It does look pretty scary... Maybe I should wait. I could slip and fall or get lost or eaten. I can tell the forest will be pretty muddy and slippery, since my boots are sliding a bit already on the wet grass and mud. I guess that it won't take more than twenty or so minutes. I better set my watch alarm. Off to the woods.
~
Well, I checked five out of my seven traps, and no rabbits yet. The other two are way deeper in the woods, so they'll take the most effort, but I will go and check, because the further out they are the more likely to have a rabbit inside.
~
It's been raining for awhile now. I've checked only one other trap. My times for twenty minutes went off seven minutes and... 34 seconds ago according to my watch. I should probably head back, but the traps are my responsibility... I'll just check the last one quickly now, then go back. I mean, what's the worst that could happen, right?
~
Where am I? This part of the woods doesn't look familiar at all. I must have taken a wrong turn, all the trees looks the same to me. I don't have any way of marking my path. Great, I'm lost. Mom's going to kill me. Well, if I can find my way back...
"Yeah mom, I'll be careful, be home by supper, and make sure to stay to paths and places you know. Don't worry mom, I'll be okay. I'm ten, I can do it." I said, grabbing my slicker just in case. It was my responsibility to check my traps to see if I caught a rabbit for Emma yet. I mean, with dad busy at work I gotta man up and be in charge.
Everything looks much darker under the trees, since it just rained. This forest's not like the one by grandma and grandpa's cottage. It's darker, but it's got a sort of feel to it like it's safe, even though it's not. I can see the branches from here, looking like hands with scraps of clothing still on them reaching for me thanks to the leaves. It does look pretty scary... Maybe I should wait. I could slip and fall or get lost or eaten. I can tell the forest will be pretty muddy and slippery, since my boots are sliding a bit already on the wet grass and mud. I guess that it won't take more than twenty or so minutes. I better set my watch alarm. Off to the woods.
~
Well, I checked five out of my seven traps, and no rabbits yet. The other two are way deeper in the woods, so they'll take the most effort, but I will go and check, because the further out they are the more likely to have a rabbit inside.
~
It's been raining for awhile now. I've checked only one other trap. My times for twenty minutes went off seven minutes and... 34 seconds ago according to my watch. I should probably head back, but the traps are my responsibility... I'll just check the last one quickly now, then go back. I mean, what's the worst that could happen, right?
~
Where am I? This part of the woods doesn't look familiar at all. I must have taken a wrong turn, all the trees looks the same to me. I don't have any way of marking my path. Great, I'm lost. Mom's going to kill me. Well, if I can find my way back...
Comments8
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Overall Vision Originality Technique ImpactAn interesting start and a mysterious finish to your prologue. Short and sweet; I liked it.
I liked how you envisioned this story and then ended it with a mysterious note. The readers would love to come back to see more of this, I would too. Anyway, your technique was great and interesting. But there's a small problem; could you add a bit part in between sentences? It's really hard for the reader to guess what happened in those parts of the story. Otherwise; I liked it because I am also an horror fan.
So other than the parts of the story missing, I really like how this story going so far. Sweet to the point, Great job.